Releasing People

I used to do a talk on Decluttering Life. Decluttering paper, decluttering stuff, decluttering the schedule, and even decluttering people. On that topic, we talked about releasing the energy vampires, the ones who suck you dry and don’t give anything in return. I had done a pretty good job of walking my talk, and could honestly say that I no longer had any vampires in my life.

When we announced we were leaving Phoenix to go on our adventure, I had a friend get upset with me for saying I would miss my house but not saying I would miss my friends. I didn’t say it because I honestly expected to keep all my friends, no matter where I was.

Well.

Moving away from most of the people in our lives was the hardest part of this adventure. Some of them stopped writing or calling or replying to my messages. It seemed out of sight really was out of mind. Actually losing friends was shocking to me. I was truly – naively – expecting that we would stay in touch with everyone and they would stay in touch with us. (In my defense, I had never moved away from Phoenix before. Yet I knew that people who did move away didn’t always stay connected, even good friends. Bottom line: I just didn’t give it a lot of thought. Just had expectations.)

I did grieve the loss of those folks. But time and distance has given me perspective. You’ve probably seen that email that comes around now and again about some people staying in your life for a reason, some just staying for a season, and so on. It’s corny, but in my opinion, utterly true.

Although I never intended to consciously “declutter” anyone from my life, that’s how it worked out. Some relationships simply don’t survive distance. The ones I lost weren’t energy vampires. But you know what? I’m really OK with letting them go. Just like with stuff, letting go of the old makes way for the new.

Mental Margarita for September 11, 2008

If you read the Mental Margarita message this week, you'll already know that I'm in a kind of philosophical place right now. No, that's not right. I don't mean to undermine my own message, which I kind of just did. I think the major theme of my writings in the MMs and in this blog has been that of simplifying life, and implied in that is the ability to be present to the simple things, the little moments that make life rich.

All we ever have access to is the very moment we're in. So remembering a friend who has passed, and reflecting on the anniversary of 9/11, are both ways of reminding ourselves what's really important. Kind of theme of this blog, although a new angle this week.

The new images on my site this week all exemplify the being present to life's little moments. Simply watching the graceful undulations of kelp in the current, or noticing the patterns as the rain starts to fall, and the lovely effect when it's done. Or watching the shadows dance on the petals of a flower. (If you missed these images, please go to: fotos de karina: new)

And although photojournalism is not my strength, I kind of like this series I did on our jam-making with Shelley. I was going for a look like what you'd see in the magazine Real Simple. Please check out the post below.

A Blackberry Tribute to my friend Shelley

Two weekends ago, our friend Shelley Davis came up to teach us how to make jam. She had proposed the idea in June when I showed her our blossom-laden bushes. We harvested 16 cups of berries, and made a lovely, tangy jam.

This past weekend, Shelley died in a tragic accident. There simply are not the words. What I can say is that I am so grateful for the time we had, for the gift she was and continues to be, and for this delicious jam I will enjoy in honor of my friend.

More Stories of Releasing Stuff

This week I'm sharing others' perspectives on major life decluttering. Please read the article by Sonja Haller that appeared this week in the Arizona Republic. She interviewed me as well as other folks radically simplifying their lives.

Check it out: Cleaning out their lives

And if you're checking out this blog because of that article, please read some of the earlier posts for more ideas on simplifying life. Thanks for visiting!

Scheduling Simplicity

I’ve been doing some work for a local company for the last couple weeks, and I’ve been growing increasingly out of sorts. So on our daily walk, I talked it out with Raymond until I got to the source of it. I like the work and the company, and it’s just a short project, so I knew it wasn’t that. Nor was it lack of sleep or exercise. I was being good about that, as well as being sure I was still eating healthily. Was it hormones? No.

I finally hit on it – it was simply one thing I’d dropped out when my schedule changed, and that was my daily writing. It was something I’d started after reading The Artists Way, and although I almost never want to write those daily three pages, they had come to be like meditation, prayer, and thanks giving, all rolled up into one. Doing it gets me present to what’s going on with myself, and in a place of gratitude for all of my life -- the good, the bad, the ugly.

When I first decided not to do my daily writing, I justified it by thinking I’d glean the benefits in some other way, like appreciating nature while I was on my run, for example. But that didn’t work. So I put the habit back in today, and Raymond noticed the difference when he called me. Said I sounded like I had “a spring in my step, and candy in my pouch.”

So, yes, it is another thing on my calendar. But it is a thing that feeds me, that gives me energy.

What are the things you do (or don’t do, as the case may be) that nurture you? What brings simplicity and peace into your day? Are you doing it? Where could you fit it in to your schedule? Do you need to let something else go so there’s room for it?

Simple living does not just happen, especially in our culture and time. Most of us are pulled in the opposite direction. Or we get so burnt out we do things that don’t really feed us, like watching TV or eating or drinking too much.

So this week, I challenge you to promise one thing you will do for yourself everyday that nurtures you. Put in it your calendar. Do it. And please let me know how it goes.

Mental Margarita for August 13, 2008

May I beg your permission to be extremely lazy this week and send you elsewhere for more thoughts on decluttering and the energy of stuff? I may? Thank you! You're too kind.

Please check out Jody Owen's newsletter (of The Space You're In) at http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs064/1101334936365/archive/1102123376812.html and click on the "Energy of Stuff" link. (You'll have to copy and paste the link into your browser, I couldn't get it to be an active link.) You can also sign up for newsletter there - it's a good one.

Hope you're having a stellar summer!

Mental Margarita for July 31, 2008

As I started saying in the Mental Margarita email, I am now seeing more strongly the connection between simplifying my life and having the space to see and appreciate simplicity in life, and therefore in my photography. I think this is one of those "Well, duh," insights, but sometimes the most profound ones in life are, right?

I don't want to get smug about how I've simplified. In our culture, the pull is towards acquiring and having more. Towards being busy and always on the go. The more in demand you are, the busier you are, the more worthy you must be. So I am realizing I need to watch this tendency in myself and make sure I'm staying true to what works for me. The longer we're here in one place, with lots of people here we know and love, the more stuff that goes on our calendars. Even though my life in Phoenix was filled with rewarding things, it was still filled. I will not live that way again.

This Time magazine article about the "100 Things Challenge" got me thinking about being more radical about the process of simplifying. When we left AZ, we released about 95% of our stuff. We then moved nine times over the course of two and a half years -- all furnished places. Until now. We are "settled" again. I use quotes because I now have a very different take on what that means. Although we recently acquired enough household goods and furniture to live comfortably in our little home, I don't feel as weighted down by it all as once I did. I am clear we could sell it all again and go. And the house we're in is half the size of the one we had in Phoenix. And it feels right to us.

(As a professional organizer for 12 years, I saw again and again the downside of homes with lots of storage: lots of saving. A small space forces you to be more choosy.)

How are you simplifying life? Or is this even a process you're interested in?