Mental Margarita - Dewey Grass

I was making brekkie when I looked out the kitchen window and saw how magical the morning sun was making the dewey world appear. Got belly down in the wet grass to get this shot.

We've been out of the desert for three years but I'm still not over my water fascination. Still getting rehydrated, I guess. The fun thing lately here in Seattle is the crazy cold weather we've been having. Last Saturday night we got a few inches of snow which stuck around through today, and we're getting more tonight. I find myself wanting to honor my ursine nature and hibernate for a while... but it's so beautiful out!

On Saturday, the night was so bright from all the light bouncing off the snow that I was inspired to go out and try to capture some of the sweetness of it. I was juggling tripod and umbrella when Raymond came out and held the umbrella for me, saying, "I'm earning good husband points." No doubt -- it was chilly.

Here's our neighbor's tree at about 10 p.m.:


And here's a Buddha I saw in the ice the next day on my walk:



However you celebrate, I wish you and your family the best. Here's to 2009 being a year of hope and change for all!

Ending the Story of the Adventure

Back in June I began responding to the numerous requests to share about how we massively decluttered our lives and went on this adventure. We began in Mexico and ended with new artistic careers in Seattle.

And now I think I’m done sharing about that. I don’t mean I don’t want to talk about it anymore, I’m happy to. I’ve just said what I’ve had to say on the topic, unless someone asks for something else.

I will say one more thing, perhaps in closing, which is this:

There is something extremely powerful in releasing your possessions and setting up your life to be free to do whatever it is you are embarking on. Not owning a home, cars or stuff is tremendously liberating.

It can also be so liberating, you may not feel grounded.

Now that we have been in one place for nine months, with a car, freshly acquired furniture, and a new cat, I am enjoying the benefits that being grounded provides for me. I am feeling the kind of joy that comes not from experiencing something new and wild, like one does while traveling, but the joy that comes from a deeper place. A stillness. A serenity.

I know that some people access that deep joy while traveling. What I’ve learned about myself is that it’s my nature to nest. That stability gives me peace. I guess I’ve always known that on some level, because if given the choice when traveling, I’d rather set up camp in a small town in a foreign country and soak up the culture there rather than take a tour and try to see everything.

So although I have enjoyed the adventure, and gained immensely from living lightly in numerous places these last few years, I am happy to be home again. It’s a new home, to be sure, but it is home. And at the risk of sounding corny, I will also say I am at home with myself even more so for having made the trip.

I will continue to post Mental Margaritas here. And if in the future I am so moved to use this blog for another purpose, well then, that's what I'll do!

My thanks to those of you who asked for this conversation, communicated back to me about it, or simply participated by reading it.

Mental Margarita - Orange Leaves

What's fall doing where you live? We have never lived anywhere with such rich autumn colors and we're loving it. It's very cool how some trees started turning at the end of August, and are bare now, and some are just starting to go gold. Even bushes get into the act. (I know for some of you this is NOT news but it is to me!)

We've also never lived in a place where the end of Daylight Saving Time made such an impact. All of the sudden, it's dark at the end of the work day - not at the end of dinner.

The leaves, the light, the crispness in the air, all contribute to that sense of winter hibernation. Cuddling up and tucking in for a spell. Sleeping more. Resting. Storing up. Being quiet and at peace.

It's a good thing.

Dia de Los Muertos (Day of the Dead)

I've always loved the Mexican tradition of celebrating those who have gone before but it wasn't until we lived there that we made our own altar.

Represented are our grandparents, our pets, and our friends. We have some of their things as well; a beer for Roger, Zeus's collar, Shelley's jam recipe she sent on a postcard. There's a special dead bread you're supposed to put out as well, but I'm out of space.

The general mood of the day is more one of joy than sorrow, although sorrow is definitely in the mix. When I pass by my altar, mostly I feel connected to those who have passed, but I also still grieve the recent ones. Putting out these photos and decorations brings present for me how much we don't talk about death in our culture. It's so much more acknowledged in Mexico.

Although it falls near Halloween, and the skeleton images are similar to ones you'll see in the States, it's a very different holiday. The graves are meticulously decorated and visited. Picnics are had in the cemetery, and music plays. Fireworks are shot off to guide souls home.

This cemetery in San Miguel de Allende was so old that it didn't seem like anyone now living would have actually known anyone buried here. But all the graves are decorated - even the unmarked ones.


Another sight that impressed me in San Miguel was an altar in the town square. It was for a man who clearly enjoyed his vices, as it featured a bottle of tequila and pack of cigarettes. I was amazed teenagers hadn't absconded with the goods.

But I guess that points to a very different context for death, which was my initial point. A very wise woman taught me that when someone dies, our relationship with them doesn't end, it changes. So in the spirit of Dia de Los Muertos, I invite you to celebrate your loved ones, your ancestors, your pets, and feel sad if you feel sad, but don't back away from the sad. Move through it, until you get to feeling glad they blessed your life. Share about them today. Remember something funny or wonderful they did. And be grateful you have this moment right now.

Who's Driving Your Schedule?

Two weeks ago, I wrote about decluttering the schedule. That post prompted an interesting exchange of emails between a reader and me, and she gave permission for me to share it with you. I hope you glean something from it. I know she and I both did!


Q: So in your reconstructed life... do you have lots of time with nothing planned? Or do you have a routine each day? It is beyond what I can imagine that you have maybe one thing to do each day and the rest of the day is yours with nothing on the agenda... Can you provide insight?

A: Girl, I will never have a life with just one thing on the schedule for the day. I'm just not wired up that way! (Maybe if I stopped writing everything down...) But most days are relatively unstructured time-wise, but with a prioritized to do list that I get through as much as I can. I'm fairly disciplined, although when it comes to the creative to dos, I don't try to force it if it ain't there that particular day. And I never get it all done. Too entrepreneurial. Too many ideas and “could dos” floating around to ever feel done. But I certainly do have a sense of accomplishment at the end of most days. And each week I make a plan that tends to give some structure to each day.

Q: I am trying to see the difference… I feel that you have made changes, have more control.... Is it accurate to say you are paced by the things you want to do, rather than doing things/events driven by others? (It does not appear that you have many appointments/meetings that are directed by others.) But you still have a list of things to do, they are just things that are Karen-driven, rather than initiated by others. If this is so, then it could be easy to let the day drift away, if you did not have any intent or purpose or goal? Or am I sounding like a highly scheduled type A?

A: Yes, leaving Phoenix where I had such a large community of friends and associates, immediately freed my schedule from the seemingly thousands of events driven by others, the let's have coffees, let's have dinner, let's have a committee meeting, etc. Both fun and business commitments tended to fill up my schedule. I enjoyed the vast majority of them, but it was so constant.

So now, with a much "quieter" business and a much smaller social circle, my time is a lot more self-directed. I mean, I was the one always saying yes to the many commitments before, but now there's a lot less to say yes or no to, and that makes it easier.

And if I did not have a clear plan, you bet the day would drift.


So Reader, how much of your time is you-driven vs. initiated by others? If it’s mostly the latter, where could you take back some control? And where could you start saying “No”? I look forward to your comments!

Mental Margarita for October 1, 2008

This is the first time I've lived somewhere that has a recognizable fall. It's not as vivid as back east, but there is a crispness in the morning, a softer (and later) sunrise, and beautiful shocks of red and gold on the trees here and there. The fruits and veggies at the farmers' market are becoming more hearty. I'm making soup again (besides gazpacho, which holds no appeal right now). And one of my favorite signs of fall: Halloween decorations.

As I've posted about recently, I'm also feeling a change in the schedule. Even though we're moving toward the holiday season, I personally am feeling the lightness that comes after a busy summer, and after the slew of September birthdays in our community.

I look forward to snuggling in, to lighting candles (no fireplace) and sipping tea or cocoa. I'm anticipating weekends with not one thing scheduled.

And I'm looking forward to distinctly Seattle fall experiences. One thing I heard about was Indian drumming at the mouth of a local stream to welcome the salmon back. Gotta find the orchard and the cider house. Pick pumpkins from the field.

And stay warm.

Releasing Activities

As I mentioned in last week’s post, I used to speak on the topic of Decluttering Life, and trimming the schedule was an integral part of that. I’m so glad I reminded myself of that valuable lesson, because this week, I needed the reminder!

One of the many blessings in moving away from our home of 35 years is that all of the sudden, my schedule was shockingly light. Delightfully open. It was almost like being on vacation. I’ve always had a busy life, requiring rigorous schedule management. I suppose I took a perverse pride in how busy I was, as if degree of busy-ness equaled relative importance in the world. Anyone relate to that? (While going through old keepsakes in our move, I even found a daily planner I had in high school. High school! It was full, too. I guess I knew even then that trying to keep it all in my head was a recipe for disaster.)

Anyhoo, we’ve been Seattleites now for seven months (as long as we’ve lived anywhere in the last three years) and we’ve reconnected with old friends, made new ones, had visitors, and this month is birthday celebration season in our house. We are busy. Oh yeah, and there’s work.

It doesn’t matter that the majority of the extra-curricular activities are fun. It’s still a hella full schedule.

Swinging the schedule pendulum from the uber-full direction to the uber-light direction has allowed me to get a true reading on what I need. My new center is quite a bit further to the light side than it ever was in Phoenix. So when it started eking back in the full direction, I started getting cranky. I’m glad I haven’t gotten sick. (Sometimes when I don’t slow down, my body forces me to.)

The point that I am winding my way toward is this: Do you know what your center of balance is? If you have kids, or say “yes” too often, you may not even have a true sense of what you need. It’s too easy to get pulled a lot of directions, especially where family is concerned.

And it is utterly useless to compare yourself to other people. If you do this, I have some very wise words for you. Ready? Listen closely: CUT IT OUT! Comparing yourself to others only makes you feel less than and possibly guilty. They don’t have your life – so why should yours look like theirs?

This week, I really encourage you to get in touch with what your center of balance looks like. What do you need? What would your calendar look like? How about down time with nothing scheduled? What would feed you?

Because if you don’t know what balance means in your life, you won’t have it.